I confirmed something I’m very afraid to know but somehow expected. I was dismissed from yupielbi.
I haven’t given the idea of being dismissed from the university a serious thought until kuya chino texted me
saying that I failed in my comsci 21. that time I was comfortably watching TV, happily chatting with my younger sis during commercial breaks. I was shocked and shaken.
But me having the motto of “oh shit happens”, allowed myself to absorb it without too much of panic and pain.
Then kuya chino texted “sorry ha…nalungkot ako talaga..” I suddenly felt tears fill up my eyes, I needed
to hide from my sister to avoid exposing myself crying. Ayoko talaga pag nafifeel kong parang kawawa ako.
Since that day everything depended on the result of my math subject. If I fail it then that’s it, im dismissed.
Considering my performance in class, I should have accepted that I’m dismissed, but there’s still something
Inside me that tells me I should not stop hoping, everything can happen. So there, I’ve got no choice but to hope
For a miracle.
But today the hoping stopped. Roro is with me when I talked to my math teacher. She thought I was just joking
When I shook my head, telling her that I’ve got a failing grade. While walking back to our apartment I complain
To roro about how everything happened so fast, about how unfair our teacher in comsci 21 was. I still managed
To joke about my situation, really. We stayed in the apartment for a few hours before deciding to go home.
We’re both quiet in the jeep, maybe roro just don’t know what to say. And then I left the jeep, waited for a bus then
squeezed myself between two guys because of lack of seats. So many things occupied my mind.
I thought one unexpected thing is enough for that day but I was wrong. I suddenly find myself crying in the bus.
I guess what happened had just started to sink in. I took out my hanky and pretended to sleep just so the guys
Beside me wouldn’t notice. I forced myself to stop, I started to think of happy thoughts and everything else but then I failed.
I never felt so alone and lonely that time. It seemed that everything was suddenly taken away from me.
I’ve always been ready for those kind of things that will supposedly make me feel sad but didn’t
But that time is different, it felt like I was caught off-guard. |
